Dear Pandora,

If my "free song limit for the month" is up 2 days or less from the end of the month, I think you should have a charity clause where you just give it to me.

The work involved finding a new music source, and for only 2 days, is just rude.

It's kinda like give a penny, get a penny at the cash register.

Get it together.

KG

Dear Tayo Cruz,

Thanks to your amazing cheeziness and pop magic, I forgot I was tired.

Thanks for the caffeine free espresso.

xo

KG

p.s. sorry we cant get more intimately involved, i'd only break break break your heart.

Dear 8th piece of cookie cake,

I understand you come loaded with carbs, calories and the like, but given that it was my bday and my friends decided to surprise me with TWO large cookie cakes, one residing in my house, and the other on my backside, I'd appreciate if you'd go easy on your usual antics.

Thanks a bunch,

KGeezy

Dear creeper who rang my doorbell three times at 4:27am,

a) not cool

b) let me back that up with a "not cool AND you've scared the shit out of me."

c) its now 5:41 and I still havent gone back to sleep

d) you owe me coffee

exhaustedly (not) yours,

KG

Dear week old red wine,

Thanks for holding on one too many extra days.

Cheers my friend, cheers.

Your all too familiar friend,

Karen

Dear Angie Harmon,

You are ADORBS. And surprisingly funny. However, who is your stylist and why did he/she let you on Chelsea Lately with that outfit?

I also love that you are now dubbed "the Republican who loves gay people and vodka."

Congrats on an amazing new rep. (Reputation that is, not republicanism).

xoxo

KG

Dear Beach Boys,

I just googled Kokamo (while I was trying to start planning how I would execute my lifelong plan of going to every island in the Kokamo song). Needless to say, I was distraught/grossed out by the fact that at least 3 of the places are in the same place. AKA Kokamo (now no longer even NAMED that) is in Montego. Which is in Jamiaca. So now 3 locations are 1.

Sigh. So much for dreams.

Thanks for nothing,

Karen

Dear Jenny McCarthy,

What do you think about Singled Out 2.0. I realize I kind of miss that show.

More importantly, please blacklist me from registration. In a desperate moment, I may try to enroll myself as a participant.

Kindest regards and sorry about Jim.

Karen

Dear Friday morning hangover,

Apparently you learned nothing from Wednesday am hangover. The definition of insanity: doing the same activity repeatedly and expecting a new result.

Sigh,

Karen

Dear Wednesday morning hangover,

Thank you for reminding me that it is, under no circumstances, appropriate to drink 2 bottles of wine and a 6 pack of beer with only one other person. On a Tuesday. For no reason.

I want to blame online dating except I think the above statement just clarified why I AM online dating.

Dehyrdatedly yours,

KG

Dear choking on string cheese,

Thanks for putting things in perspective.

That would have been a really lame way to go.

Gratefully yours,

Karen

Dear Eminem,

Why are you so angry?

xo
KG

Dear 5th floor walkups,

I think you should write a letter to all future residents detailing that there will be days that you forget to bring your umbrella until you get to the base floor. But remind them that walking down 5 flights does not make you immune to getting wet.

Moral: it's always worth going back up 5, so you arent towel drying your clothes at work.

Kindly,
Karen

Dear Lauryn Hill,

Where are you? And do you watch Sister Act 2 every time is comes on tv like I do?

Thought so.

Would love to hear what your fave part is.

xo,
Karen

Dear "Dear blog,"

Sorry for my absence. I've spent too much time drinking, making fun of people at work, and eating French sandwiches.

I'm going to try to clean up my act. And try to eat 1/2 sandwiches.

Back in action,
Karen Gereffi

Dear leggings vs. tights distinction/rules:

Now that leggings have become socially acceptable to be worn as "pants," it is more important than ever to be sure to distinguish between "Leggings" and "Tights." Wool/winter "tights" also known as pantyhose, stockings, mayas, do not classify as leggings due to their thin and often transparent nature, therefore can not be worn as pants.

So to the offender on west 39th street, no, you in fact cannot continue to wear those grey wool "tights" with a cropped jacket and t-shirt. They are in fact, not even close to pants and what's worse, I think those tights are worn down in areas where I can see skin.

It can understandably be tough out there. When in doubt, throw a tunic or some shorts over it.

Comfortably (in leggings) yours,
KG

Dear unapologetic use of male highwaters,

C'mon guys - bring it down a notch.

Kindly,
Karen

Dear unlikely couples,

You make me happy.

Unless you're unlikely because one person is just obscenely settling. In which case, you just make me sad, or grossed out.

Thanks for the hard work.

Supportive regards,
Karen

Dear Grounded,

You already were my favorite cofffee shop due to amazing brews and delicious treats, but by playing all of Janet Jacksons hits on this fine spring day, you have really outdone yourself. Bravo my friend, bravo.

Quite pleased regards,

Karen

Dear Lobster rolls,

You made a comeback in conversation today: "You know i love elitism. Sailing and lobster rolls. Whiskey tasting. i'm sold!"

Hope things are well.

All the best,
KG

Dear LLCool J,

What do your close friends call you? I would love it if it was the full LL Cool J.

It's like calling your friends by their AOL screen name (when it first came out)

xo

Karen

Dear Sephora green nail polish,

I spent $9 on you as you were strategically placed in the checkout line advertised with a "Trend Spotter" giant poster.

My nails look like the jolly green giant meets Ivy from Batman & Robin.

Advertising fail. Yet I work in advertising. So I guess life fail.

Pleased with "at-least-youre-not-chipping" regards,

Karen

Dear 2010,

Sorry I've been slacking.

I went horseback-riding last weekend and now I'm back in the saddle again.

Bestest,
KG